Miss Mallory Meredith's Misinterpretations and Follies (Obscenities Included!)

I’ve officially decided that I am at that part of job hunting where you think you have nothing to offer. I’ve redone the resume, gotten a couple of more declines, and I’m tapping my fingers as to what to do next because the self-esteem tends to go down when you’re already stressed about life and want to jump on the boat to Dream Life Town.

I figured I couldn’t be the only one in this slump. I dislike when people tell the unemployed, “Well, just try harder.” Mostly because I am currently employed, and it is fucking hard to find another job. And if it is difficult to find a job when they can tell a company is at least keeping you around for some reason, it is probably legit even more difficult when you don’t have the current job to back it up for whatever reason.

So, I tried to Google some ways on getting some extra help on what to do when no one wants to hire what you have to offer.

Shockingly (/sarcasm), the internet just thought I was depressed and said, “Buck up, buddy! Here are some inspirational quotes!” which reminds me of some person handing me a kitten clinging to a tree branch with the words ‘Hang in there!’ at the bottom. Mostly because I want to smack whomever thinks any of these suggestions are decent advice in the long-term (spoiler alert: THEY’RE NOT).

Then I came across an article that tries to pass itself off as the inspirational quote of the second, but has some decent points. How to Break Out of a Job Search Slump has some blah-blah-blah in the beginning, but then it culminates to the Now What? midway through. Most of it I already knew — the researching of the company, making contact, promoting yourself, knowing your work ethics, etc. — due to the fact that it is common sense. At least, to me it is. But I had forgotten that, in all reality, I had pretty much applied to anything and everything since I wanted to get over to New Zealand as quickly as possible. While I know I could learn and do a lot of the positions, of course my resume isn’t going to necessarily match up with what they need. And by applying to basically everything under the sun, I said I was prepared in case a company searched elsewhere, but I didn’t really mentally prepare myself for no one in my Dream Life Town to not want me immediately. And applying for it all doesn’t mean I’d be happier over there doing it than here.

Plus, applying overseas is really tough. Unless I spill jewels from my lips whenever I speak, it is easier to set my resume aside and pick from the nearest crop rather than take chances on an outsider that would need extra paperwork with the Work Visa.

That’s when I took a deep breath and decided that, while still applying for more jobs, it was time to get in the reality of me leaving and using the first of my few months there dedicated to finding a career once I am already there, versus trying to sell myself with an ocean and hours between.

That’s when I also decided that I have to manage my stress better, too. While I would simply love to play video games and read books every second of my life (well, at least half of my day, anyway), time is ticking away, and I’ve noticed how immobile I’ve become. Given, my ankle is only just getting better from the fun twist it received, thus I haven’t been able to be as functional as I would normally choose, but yesterday I walked from 8am to 10pm at our State Fair. Both of my feet were hurting after that, but I was able to do it.

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Plus, check out my motherfucking awesome squid henna tattoo I got. Since you asked, yes, I would have been happy if it were a real tattoo.

And, since discovering I could at least walk, I noticed that I’ve gained probably a few more pounds. This is unsurprising with the amount of stress and lack of buying fresh food as of this past month or two, but it isn’t something I want/need when trying to stay positive and moving to a new country.

I also realized that I need to stop eating like shit. Between not eating very well yesterday and then having my first Cheeto in over a year (I should say that I had at least three handfuls), my body is asking me what the actual fuck I did to it. It’s unreasonable to think I’ll lose all the weight I’ve gained this past year within six weeks, but I can at least get back into an exercise routine and cut out the foods that only perpetuate a sluggish behavior.

Besides, crappy food and standing still won’t get me any closer to my goals anyway.

I also spent a few hours winding down yesterday when I got home — playing Might & Magic: Clash of Heroes, and can I just say, I have no idea what this game is really about. Much like Puzzle Quest, where it seems that there are these rich stories, backgrounds for characters, decent enough drawings/animations, but then there is so much dialogue I could care less about that I keep pressing ‘A’.

The games themselves aren’t very difficult, and perfect for when I’m waiting for my hair to dry before I finally fall asleep. It is that I just don’t care about the why I’m doing anything, apparently. It isn’t interesting. It isn’t very well written (there was a point where one of my bounty’s said, “YOU’VE GOT A PURTY MOUTH” and I about got dizzy from the hefty sigh I gave), and, Puzzle Quest in particular, the story is rather bland. You can tell they’re just acknowledging the fact that they have to give you something between each fight, or else you’re admitting that you’ve spent some hours moving formations in response to another’s formations, and that isn’t any more interesting.

So, why do I play a linear move-by-board-game-spaces turn-base game? Have I mentioned the animation sequences? The below video is a side puzzle game within the game, but you get my point.

There is just something to lining up all of your pieces, then watching it come alive to destroy your enemy. Even with that derpy music. Because griffins. And dragons. And demons. And the strategy to play, while mostly easy, can get complicated — and giddy with fun when you’ve got fifty things going on at once, and they all go according to plan. Sometimes, I look through the things I roll my eyes at because the elements I enjoy are worth it. It doesn’t stop me from giving an honest opinion, but… I’m playing the game, aren’t I?

This was a thing that happened, but I will continue playing these games until my last breath on my deathbed.

It could all be worse. I could be playing Heavy Rain.

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