I’m running and running and running. And I don’t know why I am running so hard or what I am running away from, but I actually do know exactly what I am running away from and why I am running so hard for in the same breath.
It is dark. I shouldn’t be running. It is past midnight. I shouldn’t be running. But that is part of the reason I run, part of why I take the risk anyway, because I need to defy something, anything. in my own terms.
It was my birthday last Friday.
It was a difficult week. Between the people being laid off, the high of me getting my ticket, the low of me finding out the next day that I could be unemployed for an amount of time before I leave, and just ultimately dealing with life, I was quite worried my birthday would suck balls.
I purchased my ticket.
The past two weeks have been emotional whirpools. It will be difficult to explain as I promised myself I wouldn’t give too much information about my job and personal life, so I’m going to do my best to tell the tale of what’s happened and what is going through my mind.
Bear with me.
I’m writing simply for the action to make myself write because I don’t think that if I post now, I will continue to do so. And it was already so hard for me to begin again in the first place. I started this over a month ago.
This is like pulling teeth.
I was in a bit of a depression recently. It started because I re-checked my numbers and found out that I couldn’t make it to New Zealand when I wanted to.