I’m running and running and running. And I don’t know why I am running so hard or what I am running away from, but I actually do know exactly what I am running away from and why I am running so hard for in the same breath.
It is dark. I shouldn’t be running. It is past midnight. I shouldn’t be running. But that is part of the reason I run, part of why I take the risk anyway, because I need to defy something, anything. in my own terms.
We all waited on bated breath to hear the official news, and here it is: I wasn’t let go from my job, but everyone else and their mom was.
Official Work Persona
Saying I am frustrated would be an understatement at this point.
The other day, I had my annual review at my job. The one where every second of every day makes me wonder whether or not I actually have a job. The one where I have a constant feeling of doom, a constant feeling of being on edge, a constant feeling of not being allowed to be myself. And whenever I begin to have these feelings for longer than a day, I get irritable. And when I get irritable, good luck trying to get anything out of me beyond curt words and gritting teeth.
Me, any time I have to do anything at work anymore.
I started off this week with some good ol’ sickness. I at first thought it was strep. I rarely get sick at is it, and when I do, I tend to make it count. But, alas, just your typical summer cold filled with bad sleep, and an amount of tissue that looks as if you’re trying to make the space around you a cloud simulation science experiment. A gross one.
I decided that the best way to handle this was to WFH so I didn’t have to dress up for work. Or worry about the mounds of tissue and mingling with others while I felt like shit. It was also the best because as soon as I logged off of work, I could immediately play video games and/or read and/or finish off Netflix series. Because you don’t really feel like accomplishing anything while hacking up a lunch, dealing with sinus pressure, and overall just being sleepy.